Genre: Gen and Crack
Word Count: 1030
Rating/Warnings: PG-13. Lots of crack, light movie references, some sexual innuendo as well as America being slightly insensitive towards England and England having a bad reaction about that.
Summary: America brings a Ghostbusters prop to a world meeting and chaos ensues.
It was moments like these that made America extremely disappointed with his fellow nations. It didn't take a cinephile to recognize the thing he was carrying on his back.
"America, why are you carrying a vacuum around?" Italy asked. "The staff already does pretty good job cleaning the place up."
America rolled his eyes. "It's not a vacuum cleaner. It's a proton pack!" America turned around to give the man a better look. "See?"
"Is that a reference to the Ghostbusters movies?" Japan took out his reading glasses as he came closer to study the machine. "I remember that movie," he said, with a hint of fondness in his voice. "If I remember correctly, this is supposed to be portable particle accelerator."
"Finally!" America exclaimed. "Somebody here gets it!"
He gave Japan a high-five.
"I got that reference, too," Canada said, from the far corner of the room. "That film was written by one of my people, Dan Ak--"
"That's ridiculous. A portable particle accelerator?" Switzerland looked slightly agitated, as usual. "Is there supposed to be a meaning behind all of this, America? I hope this isn't supposed to be a jab at CERN. It's bad enough that we have to slash its budget." Several angry voices could be heard across the table.
America frowned. "Did you even bother to listen to what I just said? I said-"
"QUIET!!" Germany yelled and everyone immediately fell silent. Only five minutes into the scheduled bathroom break and another argument was already starting up. Germany reminded himself that he should avoid getting worked up for the sake of his dangerously high blood pressure. Perhaps, he thought, he should look into yoga lessons.
Germany looked over at America and slanted his eyes. "What... is that?"
"It's a proton pack!"
Germany gave him a weary look and said, "How did you get that through security? No weapons are allowed." Then, he remembered and quickly added, "Except for magic markers and sharpies, which are to be strictly used for alien invasions or other related-emergencies."
America smiled. "Well, then, you don't have to worry a thing because this, baby here, is going to take care of the ghosts!"
"I didn't know we had a ghost problem," Italy said. "They're not mean ghosts, are they?"
China rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he looked over to his left, where Canada happened to be sitting.
America continued. "This device generates a Proton Stream and it emits energy which dissipates the psychokinetic energy of the ghosts. Once you weaken the ghosts, you can capture them!" He flashed a smile and struck a pose that looked like it belonged on a 'We Can Do It!' poster.
England looked enthralled.
"There are no such things as ghosts. And I have no idea why you decided to bring this to a world meeting. Now," Germany said, taking step towards America, "put that toy away, America."
America jerked away, gripping his wand. "The proton pack is not a toy."
They stared down at each other until Germany finally relented. "Fine!"
The meeting resumed and after several attempts to sit down, America decided to take off his proton pack and keep it besides his chair.
"Hey, America," England whispered from his side. "Did you get that off from ebay? Or is that the real thing?"
"Got it straight from Sony Pictures!" America said, with a wink.
England looked at the proton pack and bit his lower lip. "Do you suppose," he began to ask, "that I could try it out for a bit?"
America laughed. "What? No way!"
England turned red and stuttered. "And w-why not?"
"Dude, you're just going to break it. I can't be having that. The studio would kill me." He took a quick glance at England and added, "On second thought, you might end up hurting yourself just trying to carry that thing."
England nearly snapped his fountain pen in half. "I beg your pardon?"
"Sorry, bro. No can do!" America said, before he pulled out a box of Stay Puft marshmallows.
England pulled out a wand from his sleeve and aimed it at the proton pack. "Take that!" A streak of green light shot out and struck the device. Several nations shouted but nobody made a motion to leave the meeting room. Unfortunately, this type of event wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence.
France sighed. "Oh dear... Not thing again."
"What the heck did you do?" America yelled, trying hard not to breathe in the smoke.
"I just made a little adjustment to that machine of yours," England said, with a huff. "No one's a match for Britannia-Hey!!" He cried out as Germany snatched his wand and held it high above his head where England couldn't reach it.
"No weapons are allowed!" Germany hate having to repeat himself. Clearly, their security standards have gotten too lax. He took a deep breath and looked at England dead-in-the-eye. "Do you want me to tie you up and lock you in the closet?"
Somewhere in the background, Italy mumbled something about kinky habits.
"Is everyone done releasing sexual tension?" France said, to no one in particular. "I have a presentation to give. I've been working on this all night and I would like everyone to pay attention. We do have an economic crisis that we have to solve."
"Hold a second!" America tapped the proton pack tentatively with his pencil. "I think... I think it's actually working." He pressed his ear against the machine and indeed, he could hear the generator running inside. Tears of joy sprang to his eyes. "It works! It really works!!" He squeezed England in a tight hug. "England!! Your make-believe magic worked!! You're amazing!!"
Any bit of joy England might have felt withered away in that instance. "Make-believe... magic?" His voice was low and thunderous.
Romano threw his hands up in the air. "Finally, we can get that espresso machine fixed!"
"Hey, England? Would you mind taking a look at my car after the meeting?" Spain asked.
America was already strapping his goggles and putting on his pack. "So cool!! I can't wait to try this out!!" He picked up the wand and it seemed to take on a life of its own, humming with energy.
"Stop him! He's going to blow this place," somebody shouted.
Canada immediately ducked underneath the table.
"Looks like we got a ghost. Stand back, everybody!" was the last warning America gave.
He aimed and fired.